(C1.3 Student Writing) Places to visit

Errors in bold

If I have to write about a place that I love it, would be the Alins. It is a small-isolated village located in the middle of the Pyrenees at the north of Spain. It only has seven rustic and bucolic houses and no one live there for the whole year any more, they families who lived there before have moved to the surrounding localities, or in some cases, they emigrated to the colossal and overpopulated cities. Alins is the village where my mother was born and I spent my childhood going there almost every summer.

At first sight it could seem that it’s an inhospitable place in the middle of nowhere, and yes it’s true. There are not shops or any kind of social activity in the place. Also, as I said before, there are not to many neighbors so you could think that it’s the most boring and lifeless place where you could spend your holidays. But once you open your eyes and realize where you are all these thoughts disappear.

This modest village remains over a hill, which smoothly flows into several verdant fields that are laboriously worked for the few remaining farmers and their sheep. In contrast sharp and hilly mountains emerge around the fields and village. Finally a meandering river cuts the relive, creating a narrow and abrupt canyon where it’s in contact with the hardness calcite rock formation and a small valley when the pure and crystalline water encounters the moldable sandy layers. If you take a look at the whole landscape the vision can make you think in a natural castle, whit their walls (the mountains) and their pit (the river).







Corrections

If I had to write about a place that I love, it would be Alins, a small isolated village in the heart of the Pyrenees at the north of Spain. Alins is the village where my mother was born, and where I spent my childhood summers. It only has seven rustic, bucolic houses and no one lives there year round anymore - the families who lived there before have moved to the surrounding areas, or in some cases emigrating to the colossal overpopulated cities.

At first sight it could seem an inhospitable place in the middle of nowhere, and yes it’s true; there are no shops or any kind of social activity in the place. Also, as I said before, there are not too many neighbors, so you could be forgiven for thinking that it’s the most boring and lifeless place to spend your holidays. But once you open your eyes and realize where you are, all these thoughts disappear (nb: disperse, vanish, evaporate also possible here).

This modest village stands over a hill, which slopes gently into verdant fields that are laboriously worked by the few remaining farmers. A few sheep graze around. Steep mountains emerge in sharp contrast above the fields and village. A meandering river cuts a narrow and abrupt canyon out of hard calcite rock and down onto a small valley where the pure and crystalline water encounters the malleable sandy layers. If you look at the whole landscape you think of a castle, with the mountains as walls and the river as a mote.

What vocabulary have I added or substituted here?

Can you see where I have separated some ideas out into new sentences?

Can you see where I have combined others into one sentence? 

Why?

Errors in bold:

Places to visit – Timisoara

Timisoara is the biggest city in western Romania but also the most beautiful one. If you enter the city center you will find many cafés which are located in huge public squares with beautiful fountains and well-designed flower beds. This prosperous city center is surrounded by historical buildings, which date back to the 18th century. After spending a few hours in your favorite café, it is necessary to visit one of Timisoara’s gorgeous parks. It is a nice place to have a picnic with your friends, or just have a walk through the park, looking at all the majestic trees and flowers. Not only can you visit Timisoara at daytime, but also in the night it is a great experience to go to many different bars and restaurants, which are actually quietmodern and hip.

Let’s talk about the people in Romania. There is a big difference between urban people, most likely to find in big cities like Timisoara or Bucharest, and rather traditional people from the countryside. People from the city are open minded and most of the time very friendly. Especially the younger society is most likely to be found in shopping centers, bars and nightclubs. The people you’ll meet at the countryside are way different. Most of them are also friendly but quiet conservative and very religious. In those places, poverty is a big issue, because most of the people there are farmer, so their income depends on the yield of their crops. Also the pensions are extremely small, what makes it even harder for them to buy food or pay for their monthly costs.

I’m usually driving every year to Romania to visit my grandparents, who are living in a small village next to Timisoara. Every time it is exiting for me to see all my relatives and acquaintances. It is a totally different world compared to my home in Germany, because in Romania you get a feeling like the time is standing still and nothing changed since fifty years. Living here is less complicated and not as stressful as in Germany. The people living here have a different mentality and priorities. Every time when I see how the people here are managing their lives but still are so humble and friendly, I realize that you don’t need much money to be happy.

Corrections:

Places to visit – Timisoara

Timisoara is the biggest city in western Romania, and yet somehow manages to be the most beautiful. When you enter the city center you will find many cafés in huge public squares with beautiful fountains and well-designed flower beds. This prosperous city center is surrounded by historical buildings dating to the 18th century. After spending a few hours in your favorite café, it is essential to visit one of Timisoara’s gorgeous parks. These are nice places to have a picnic with your friends, or just have a walk through, gazing at all the majestic trees and flowers. Timisoara is fabulous by both day and night.  It's great to spend an evening hopping between the many different bars and restaurants, which are actually quite modern and hip.

Let’s talk about the people in Romania. There is a big difference between urban people, most likely to be found in big cities like Timisoara or Bucharest, and the more traditional people of the countryside. City Romanians are open-minded and very friendly by and large. The younger society is most likely to be found in shopping centers, bars and nightclubs. The people you’ll meet at the countryside are way different. Most of them are also friendly but quite conservative and ultra religious. Poverty and hardship is a big issue in rural Romania, because most of the people there are farmers and their income depends on the yield of their crops. Also the pensions are extremely small, which makes it even harder for them to buy food or pay for their monthly costs.

I drive every year to Romania to visit my grandparents, who live in a small village next to Timisoara. 

Every time it is exciting for me to see all my relatives and acquaintances. It is a totally different world compared to my home in Germany, because in Romania you feel as if time is standing still and nothing's changed for fifty years. Living there is less complicated and nowhere near as stressful as in Germany. People have a different mentality and priorities. Every time I see the way the people there are managing their less affluent lives, but still stay so humble and friendly, I realize that you don’t need much money to be happy.


Why did I change the first sentence?

Where have I changed relative clauses into participle clauses? Why?

Where have a I left the relative clause? Can you see why I did that?

Errors in bold

I was born and raised in a small city called General Belgrano, situated in  Buenos Aires Province, Argentina. 1 ½ hours away from the chaotic never-sleep Buenos Aires city, my hometown is a quiet, own-paced town, where it seems that nothing happens and it’s (more or less) 30.000 inhabitants lives at their own rythms. Quite an ideal place to live if looking for tranquility. 

If you visit General Belgrano, you will definetly drive around the Salado (salty) River coast, surrounded by mainly counstryside, this river comes all the way from the north of the country, flowing for more than 600km. to run into the Atlantic ocean, passing trough my city, giving life to vegetation, hosting fishes, ducks and birds,creating a refreshing, peaceful full of clean air environment where you can just go and sit in the green grass coast with the only purpose of being in silence admiring the nature, or waiting for the sunset.. 

This river has different branches and you can follow the boulevard along one branch and then go back to another branch going back just where you started, so one of our favourites activites consists in driving around with our friends or families, just talking about life, or singing or just contemplating the board views. People enjoy to use the river boulevard with all kind of purposes: jogging, skating, rollerskating, cycling, as well as taking someone on a “date” that is basically inviting someone for a ride, with the intention of have some privacy to talk or kiss (due to the small population, if you take someone to a café everyone would know it the day after) ; the coast of El Salado is used to play football, volleyball, drinking mate or beer, or simply to hang out, ideally on a Sunday afternoon.

I have a lot of memories in the river, I’ve spent unaccountable hours in the river’s sorroundings, in all kind of scenarios, I really enjoyed to grab my bicycle, my backpack filled with my mate equipment, a good book, no phone, and some cigarretes, and simply stop where I feel to, and start reading until being interrupted forsome friend, or acquantainces that were there for same of different reasons, but finally we end up joining the other one’s plan. The more the better it is said.

Corrections

I was born and raised in a small city called General Belgrano, situated in Buenos Aires Province, Argentina. 1 ½ hours away from the chaotic never-sleep Buenos Aires city, my hometown is a quiet, slow-paced town, where it seems that nothing happens and its  more or less 30,000 inhabitants live at their own rhythm. An ideal place to live if looking for tranquility. 

If you visit General Belgrano, you will definitely drive along the Salado (salty) River bank, surrounded mainly by countryside. The Salado comes all the way from the north of Argentina, flowing for more than 600km to run into the Atlantic ocean. As it passes through my city, it gives life to vegetation; hosting fish, ducks and birds, and generating creating a refreshing clean air environment where you can just go and sit in the green grass by the river with only the purpose of being in silence, admiring the nature, or waiting for the sunset. 

This river has different branches and you can follow the boulevard along one branch and then follow another branch back to where you started. One of our favourite activities consists in driving around with our friends or family, just talking about life, or singing, or just contemplating the broad vistas. People enjoy using the river boulevard for all kinds of things: jogging, skating, rollerskating, cycling, or taking someone on a “date”. This is basically just inviting someone for a ride with the intention of having some privacy to talk or kiss. Due to the small population, if you take someone to a café everyone will know the day after. The lands by El Salado are used to play football and volleyball, drinking mate or beer, or simply to hang out, ideally on a Sunday afternoon.

I have so many memories of the river - I’ve spent unaccountable hours in the it's environs, in all kind of scenarios. I especially enjoyed grabbing my bicycle and my backpack, filled with my mate equipment, a good book, no phone, and some cigarettes, and simply stopping where I feel like it. There I'll start reading until I'm interrupted by some friend or acquaintance who's there for the same or some other reason. But finally we end up joining the other one’s plan. The more the merrier, it is said.





How many sentences?

If you visit General Belgrano, you will definetly drive around the Salado (salty) River coast, surrounded by mainly counstryside, this river comes all the way from the north of the country, flowing for more than 600km. to run into the Atlantic ocean, passing trough my city, giving life to vegetation, hosting fishes, ducks and birds,creating a refreshing, peaceful full of clean air environment where you can just go and sit in the green grass coast with the only purpose of being in silence admiring the nature, or waiting for the sunset.


How many sentences?

If you visit General Belgrano, you will definitely drive along the Salado (salty) River bank, surrounded mainly by countryside. The Salado comes all the way from the north of Argentina, flowing for more than 600km to run into the Atlantic ocean. As it passes through my city, it gives life to vegetation; hosting fish, ducks and birds, and generating creating a refreshing clean air environment where you can just go and sit in the green grass by the river with only the purpose of being in silence, admiring the nature, or waiting for the sunset. 

Errors in bold

If you are travelling to Austria you definitely have to visit the marvelous and beautiful capital of Styria which is called Graz. Graz is also the second sizeable city of Austria and its historic centre was even added to the sensational UNESCO World Heritage List. To get a stunning view over the city you have to visit the Schlossberg, a giant hill in the middle of the charming city. The history of the Schlossberg goes back to the 10th Century and nobody was ever able to conquer its well-built castle. Nevertheless a monstrously large part got demolished by the Napoleonic armies. Only the admirable clock tower and the bell tower were spared after the people of Graz paid a high ransom. Inside the clock tower you can find the ancient Liesl, the heaviest bell in Austria. 

The Schlossberg is not only an admirable place-to-visit to get an astonishing view, but also you can spend the night visiting the Kasematten, a gorgeous open-air stage for world-class concerts and performances. From time to time there are also some tremendous parties held in between the Schlossberg which is called “Dom im Berg” and is visited by a numerous amount of locals as well as nonlocals.

Corrections

 

If you are travelling to Austria you definitely have to visit the marvellous and beautiful capital of Styria: Graz. Graz is the second largest city of Austria, and its historic centre was even added to the prestigious UNESCO World Heritage List. 

To get a stunning view over the city you have to visit the Schlossberg - a giant hill in the middle of the charming city. The history of the Schlossberg goes back to the 10th Century. Nobody was ever able to conquer its well-built castle. Nevertheless, a monstrous section of it was demolished by the Napoleonic armies - only the admirable clock tower and the bell tower were spared after the people of Graz paid a high ransom. Inside the clock tower you can find the ancient Liesl, the heaviest bell in Austria. 

The Schlossberg is not only an admirable place to visit to get an astonishing view, but you can also spend the evening visiting the Kasematten - a gorgeous open-air stage for world-class concerts and performances. From time to time there are also some tremendous parties held in between the Schlossberg which is called “Dom im Berg” and is visited by a huge amount of locals and non-locals.

Two texts were written by Spanish speakers, and two were written by German speakers. Discuss the differences is style between them.