Wednesday, May 2, 2018

(Career class) Personal Profile

Read the following profile. What could be done to improve the parts in bold?


I am currently an English student at the language school named EF – Education First were I am improving my English skills for further education. I am engaged in the school’s council team which discusses how to improve the school, in addition to attend meetings organized by the New Zealand Police which consists of talks about laws and behaviour. These meetings helps overseas students to understand and feel safe in a new country. My job is to report back to my fellow students what we were told during those meetings.

I have been interested in leadership and caretaking for many years. It started when I was very young and participated weekend camps especially in the summer holiday. I was looking up to the leaders and later I wanted to become a leader myself. While being a leader who took care of others I learned how to organize and work in a team. Sometimes I was told to manage my fellow leaders because I was more responsible than them. I have also been active in a teenage group for four year. I was unhappy with the board members planning and organizing and decided therefore to join the board members and make a change. Furthermore I took responsible for the group which became more interesting. Being the main leader for three years gave me much experience and skills like interpersonal skills and organization of meetings and events. Despite having caretaking and leader experience many people surround me finds it comfortable being close to me.

Many of my leisure activities connects me to being with other people. I play five different instruments included the drums and the accordion, which frankly help me to improve my flexibility of doing multitasking. Furthermore I have played in small bands, and despite that, I have practised communication while making music. Another leisure activity is scouting, which helps my improve team work and being active with others.

Being a leader in many different situations has given me positive experience when working with other and hanging out with unknown people who is shy and has finds it difficult to be with people. Because of many years of caretaking and working with people I have become a warm-hearted adult, and I know how to take responsible for other












Here's the profile again with some suggestions and corrections.


I am currently an English student at EF (Education First) were I am improving my English skills for further education. I am involved in the school’s council team which discusses how to improve the school. In addition, I attend international student workshops organized by the New Zealand Police which consist of talks about laws and behaviour in New Zealand. These meetings are intended to help overseas students to understand and feel safe in a new country. My job is to report back to my fellow students what we were told during the meetings.

I have been interested in leadership and mentoring for many years. It started when I was very young and participated weekend camps especially in the summer holidays. I looked up to the leaders and gradually formed the ambition to become a leader myself. While being a leader who took care of others I learned how to organize and work in a team. Sometimes I was told to manage my fellow leaders because I was regarded as more responsible than others. 

I have also been active in a teenage group for four years. Feeling unhappy with the way the group planned and organized its activities I decided to join the board and make a change. As I took up a more central role in the group it became more interesting and lively. Being the key leader for three years gave me much experience and skills such as interpersonal skills and organizing meetings and events. I find the key to mentoring and leadership roles is to make sure people find it comfortable to work close to me. Respect is earned through listening to others and not dominating.

My leisure activities connect me to very different types of people. I play five different instruments including the drums and the accordion, which help me to work at my flexibility and multitasking capacity. I have played in small bands and have developed communication skills through making music. Another leisure outlet for me is scouting, which helps me develop team building and interpersonal skills.

Being a leader in many different situations has given me much positive experience of working with others and encouraging those who are on the shy of socially awkward side. Above all, I have become a warm-hearted adult, and I know how to take responsibility for others.

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