Taking Risks (Student writing)

• • Spiritual
  • Social
  • Moral
  • Emotional
  • Intellectual
  • Physical

   

   

  ·         __________ courage – Feeling fear yet choosing to act, especially at the risk of bodily harm or death.

  ·         _________ courage – Facing rejection, criticism, or ridicule from others, and expressing one’s true self.

  ·         _________ courage – Standing up for one’s beliefs in the face of overwhelming opposition, and acting ethically and responsibly.

  ·         _________ courage – Following one’s heart, being vulnerable and authentic, and coping with distress and adversity.

  ·         _________ courage – Challenging old assumptions and understandings, seeking new knowledge and insights, and acting on them.

  ·         _________ courage – Exploring one’s purpose and meaning in life, and connecting with a higher power or a greater cause.

   

Aims:

Looking closely at personal student writing. Improving personal writing.
Looking closely at punctuation and how it can produce greater impact.
Learning how to showcase your knowledge of English in a pice of writing.
Learn to use adjectives imaginatively and effectively.
Adding a personal tone to you're writing.


Roller coasters - by Belén

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's the one that is going to require the most from you.”
- Caroline Myss*

Discuss the quotation.

What things scare you? Have you had to overcome fears in your life? Do you sometimes deliberately chose the less safe option?

*Caroline Myss is a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness, spirituality and mysticism, health, energy medicine, and the science of medical intuition.

Reading Belén's text:

A risky situation I've been in? I couldn't think of any at first. My life is kind of boring, I guess. In every opportunity I get, I prefer to play it safe rather than explore the unknown. After an exhaustive search, the only thing that crossed my mind was when I overcame one of my biggest fears — Roller coasters.


What has she done well?

Look at the introduction closely. Are there any small improvements in the punctuation or wording that could be made?











Here's my version of the intro, just slightly tweaked.

A risky situation I've been in? I couldn't think of any at first - my life is kind of boring I guess. In every opportunity I get, I prefer to play it safe rather than explore the unknown. After an exhaustive search the only thing that came to mind was when I overcame one of my biggest fears: roller coasters.

How and why did I simplify the punctuation? What phrase did I change? Do you agree with my choice?













Paragraphs 2 and 3 (some things that impressed me about the writing I've highlighted in bold, small errors I've underlined).

As an asthma sufferer, I was scared of having an asthma attack while riding a roller coaster. The chances were small, but still I wasn't quite sure about it. The opportunity to ride one of these giant monsters came when I visited the Universal Studios theme park almost 3 years ago.

I had promised myself I wouldn't ride anything with the label "life-threatening" (a label that I made up, of course) but there I was, waiting in the line to ride 'The Incredible Hulk Coaster'. I still don't know how I ended up there, to be honest. After what it seemed like an hour, we reached the top before the ride really starts: a place where the train stops for 3 seconds. A perfect opportunity to regret all your life choices that had led you to that one, I may add.

Discuss the bold and underlined bit with your partner.














Last section - how has Belén used punctuation and paragraphing for impact?

But then, during the one minute ride, nothing happened. No asthma attack. No messed up lungs. I survived that. And I have to say that I loved it. Thanks to that I now have a love for roller coasters and I'm willing to try bungy jumping while I'm here in New Zealand.

Sometimes it's best to be a little adventurous in life. You never know what comes afterwards.

- Belén Machado








Reread the text: can you recall what adjectives were used?


A _____ situation I've been in? I couldn't think of any at first - my life is kind of _____ I guess. In every opportunity I get, I prefer to play it safe rather than explore the unknown. After an ______ search the only thing that came to mind was when I overcame one of my biggest fears: roller coasters.

As an asthma sufferer, I was scared of having an asthma attack while riding a roller coaster. The chances were ____, but still I wasn't quite sure about it. The opportunity to ride one of these ____ monsters came when I visited the Universal Studios theme park almost three years ago.

I had promised myself I wouldn't ride anything with the label "___-_______" (a label that I made up, of course) but there I was, waiting in the line to ride 'The Incredible Hulk Coaster'. I still don't know how I ended up there, to be _____. After what seemed like an hour, we reached the top before the ride really started: a place where the train stops for three seconds. A ______ opportunity to regret all your life choices that had led you to that one, I may add.

But then, during the one minute ride, nothing happened. No asthma attack. No ______ up lungs. I survived that. And I have to say that I loved it. Thanks to that I now have a love for roller coasters and I'm ______ to try bungy jumping while I'm here in New Zealand.

Sometimes it's best to be a little ________ in life. You never know what comes afterwards.


What alternative adjectives could have been used?


What do these have in common?

I guess
As an asthma sufferer
I may add

And I have to say

What do they add to the text?

Lime Biting - by Selina

I'm grateful for all these experiences which I was allowed to make,
Even for the bad ones, which I take
When I look back to these memories 
I've got a smile on my face
Thank you for all travels, excursions, memories my friends
It was a great race

Now the race is finished for me and also for a few of you
Enjoy one last time the Sky Tower's view
Not wonder yourselves - What would? Which is? What could be next?
Remember you are the writer of your personal text
Nobody likes goodbyes
Parting is basking clear
My personal advice is, c'mon guys drink one last beer
 
Please don't be sad to leave, be happy about what you had,
No one can take this from you, so smile, don't be sad
I am sooooo thankful to all you for this beautiful time
To say goodbye is like biting in a lime 
Safe travels everyone, good luck whatever you are going to do,
Okay okay enough - one last thing: 
I'll always remember you

- Selina

Hey Gabriel this is my first try to write a poem 😃 please be polite😜