The human voice: It's the instrument we all play. It's the
most powerful sound in the world, probably. It's the only one that can start a
war or say "I love you." And yet many people have the experience that
when they speak, people don't listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak
powerfully to make change in the world?
What I'd like to suggest, there are a number of habits that
we need to move away from. I've assembled for your pleasure here seven deadly
sins of speaking. I'm not pretending this is an exhaustive list, but these
seven, I think, are pretty large habits that we can all fall into.
First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who's not present.
Not a nice habit, and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes
later, will be gossiping about us.
Second, judging. We know people who are like this in
conversation, and it's very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you're
being judged and found wanting at the same time.
Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the
last years of her life, became very negative, and it's hard to listen. I
remember one day, I said to her, "It's October 1 today," and she
said, "I know, isn't it dreadful?"
It's hard to listen when somebody's that negative.
And another form of negativity, complaining. Well, this is
the national art of the U.K. It's our national sport. We complain about the
weather, sport, about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is
viral misery. It's not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world.
Excuses.
We've all met this guy. Maybe we've all been this guy. Some
people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don't
take responsibility for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody
who is being like that.
Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery,
exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I
see something that really is awesome, what do I call it?
And then, of course, this exaggeration becomes lying, and we
don't want to listen to people we know are lying to us.
And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with
opinions. When those two things get conflated, you're listening into the wind.
You know, somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true.
It's difficult to listen to that.
So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are
things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about
this? Yes, there is. I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful
cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be
powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a
word. The word is "hail," and it has a great definition as well. I'm
not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I'm
talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is
how I think our words will be received if we stand on these four things.
So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H,
honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The A
is authenticity, just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as standing
in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity,
being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can
trust. And the L is love. I don't mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing
people well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty may not be
what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that's
not necessary. Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But
also, if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at
the same time. I'm not even sure you can do those two things simultaneously. So
hail.
Also, now that's what you say, and it's like the old song,
it is what you say, it's also the way that you say it. You have an amazing
toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox that very few
people have ever opened. I'd like to have a little rummage in there with you
now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play
with, which will increase the power of your speaking.
Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not be
very useful most of the time, but there's a register in between. I'm not going
to get very technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can
locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose, you can hear the
difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us speak
from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the
chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices, it's
true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That's
register.
Then we have timbre. It's the way your voice feels. Again,
the research shows that we prefer voices which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot
chocolate. Well if that's not you, that's not the end of the world, because you
can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do
with breathing, with posture, and with exercises to improve the timbre of your
voice.
Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the
meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It's root one for meaning
in conversation. People who speak all on one note are really quite hard to
listen to if they don't have any prosody at all. That's where the word
"monotonic" comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have
repetitive prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends as if it were a
question when it's actually not a question, it's a statement?
And if you repeat that one, it's actually restricting your
ability to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let's try
and break that habit.
Pace.
I can get very excited by saying something really quickly,
or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course, is
our old friend silence. There's nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk,
is there? We don't have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful.
Of course, pitch often goes along with pace to indicate
arousal, but you can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? Where
did you leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning in those two deliveries.
And finally, volume. I can get really excited by using
volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay
attention by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not
to do that. That's called sodcasting,
Imposing your sound on people around you carelessly and
inconsiderately. Not nice.
Of course, where this all comes into play most of all is
when you've got something really important to do. It might be standing on a
stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage,
asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it's really important,
you owe it to yourself to look at this toolbox
Now let me just put this in context to close. This is a
serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to
people who simply aren't listening in an environment that's all about noise and
bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage in different phases. What
would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were
listening consciously in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or
to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating
sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our
environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound
beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm, and that is an idea
worth spreading.
Discuss
What is one thing you want to improve about your own
speaking?
Lead-in Questions (Before Watching)
What makes someone a good speaker?
Do you like listening to people who complain a lot? Why or why not?
Have you ever stopped listening to someone because of the way they spoke?
What is more important: what you say or how you say it?
Do you think silence is important in conversations or speeches? Why?
Are you usually confident or nervous when speaking in front of people?
Guiding Questions (While Watching / After Watching)
What is the speaker’s main message?
What are some reasons people stop listening to others?
Which of the “seven deadly sins of speaking” can you remember?
Which bad speaking habit do you think is most common?
What does “HAIL” stand for?
Which part of “HAIL” do you think is most important? Why?
What are some ways to make your voice more powerful or interesting?
Why does the speaker think silence is important?
What warm-up exercises does the speaker demonstrate?
Productive speaking task
The seven sins are:
- gossip
- judging
- negativity
- complaining
- excuses
- lying
- dogmatism
Prepare a short talk
- What is this bad speaking habit?
- Why do people do it?
- How does it make listeners feel?
- How can we avoid it?
- Have you experienced it?
Keep it simple and personal.
While listening, answer:
- Which deadly sin did they talk about?
- What speaking technique did they use well?
- What was one good idea or example?
Monitor
· good volume
· clear pronunciation
· eye contact
· pauses/silence
· variation in tone
