(Student writing C1.3) Nampo-dong, Busan - by Lee, Won-Hee

 

If there's one part of Busan I'd remember before my death, it would be Nampo-dong, the old city centre of Busan. I suppose I am keen on Nampo-dong because it is both lively and delicious. Whenever I walk through the area it feels like I am still alive and makes me extremely hungry*. 

(*Originally Lee wrote "makes me starving" - we don't say this in English)

There are a lot of places in Nampo-dong you mustn't miss, even if you don’t have much time. Firstly, the food stalls which line most of the side streets. These reminds you (notice the error here? Always look back over your writing to look for this kind of error) of your grandmother. The stall workers often give you more food than you pay for. What's more*, (Lee originally wrote "moreover" - I changed it to what's more, which is less formal)  they are always welcoming and open to having a real honest chat. You find out how they actually are, or you might even get some advice if you have troublesome issues in your own life. In all honesty*, (Lee wrote "to be honest" - we say "to be honest" when we are reluctantly admitting something that might offend someone, we use "in all honesty" when we are being less apologetically honest) this is my main motivation for visiting Nampo-dong. But you should at least try as many snacks as you can: rice cakes, fish cakes, different kind of fried foods, Korean pancakes (pan-jeon*) (I put the Korean word in here - you should introduce the reader to some words from your language in the text because the purpose of the text is to give them practical information about your culture), candied strawberries and other Korean delicacies. 

Nam-pong glitters, shines and sings at night with a thousand street lamps and store lights. Depending on district, you can feel a different vibe, from places that get sea breezes, to cosmopolitan shops, to live concerts. (I helped with this paragraph, but it is the best passage in the piece for descriptive clarity.)

Nampo-dong has the famous Jagalchi seafood market with dining right on the peer by the habour. The international market, known as Gukje market has foreign goods, and also busking areas. Every place I've mentioned has different qualities of light. And if you go to any of them you can’t help hearing real street music, not the fake music which flows from shops, cafés and restaurants. 

There's Yongdusan Park too, with its tower, right in the heart of Nampo-dong. From the tower you can look out over Nampo-dong and further out to Yeongdo Island across the water. The park is the place to come if you just want to hang around feeding the pigeons and catch up with yourself.*

(One thing Lee does well in this text is using "you" and "I". It's very simple but it keeps the relationship between reader and writer strong)