Thursday, August 17, 2017

(Student writing - B2.3) Carnival - by Gunther



I hope it's OK Gunther - I just wanted to show the other students how I corrected your writing, so I have separated each paragraph for people to see how I changed it.


Carnival in Brazil

  "In Brazil, even in this day and age, we celebrate the carnival, which marks the beginning of Lent, the forty-day period before Easter. Carnival is an annual Brazilian festival, the most famous holiday in Brazil and has become an event of huge proportions."

(Excellent)

Change a little:

In Brazil, even in this day and age, we celebrate the Carnival, which marks the beginning of Lent - the forty-day period before Easter. Carnival is an annual festival, the most famous holiday in Brazil and has become an event of huge proportions.



   "First of all, Carnaval vary from one region of Brazil to another,diferentes kind of music, parties and costumes. Do not spring any last last-minute surprises. Take summer clothes and some fantasy with you and expect a lot of people in the streets. Don’t wear formal clothes. You can be considered a boring person."

(This needs a clearer structure) 

Changes:

Carnival varies from one region of Brazil to another, in terms of the kinds of music, types of celebrations and of course the costumes. But here is some general advice if you're heading to Brazil for the Carnival:

First of all, be prepared for the unexpected - it's a crazy time and you're going to have to stay open-minded. Secondly, take summer clothes with you and some imagination - don't wear anything too formal or you'll be considered dull. Finally, expect a lot of people in the streets. If you don't like crowds, then Carnival isn't for you.

  
  "To sumarize, Carnival is a very exciting festival. If you are not sure what wear watch what others do,and then do that or be creative. Carnival is a open mind festival, so just bring a happy smile and enjoy the party."

Just a few suggestions here:

Carnival is a very exciting festival. If you are not sure what to wear, follow what others do, but try to find your own way of doing it if possible. Above all, Carnival is about open-mindedness, so just bring a happy smile and enjoy the party.

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